20 July 2012

I cannot believe today was my last day of cooking school. I am sad, tired, relieved and full (literally, I had a huge lunch). I expect there will be tears at the farewell dinner this evening - warm buttery tears falling in fat droplets down chubby cheeks ...

Today we had a full day of written exams. The first exam was ok, the second was better, the third exam was hilariously awful - I had a massive brain block and couldn't remember anything. Then I struggled through the meat and fish identification - at one point I was staring at a piece of meat and all I was certain of was that it came from something that 'mooed'. Was is shin? Chump? Rib? Fillet? Sirloin? Could I just write 'cow' and get a point? I was slightly beyond caring - it was the sixth hour of exams, my wrist hurt from writing and I was in desperate need of a drink. Thank God The Editor arrived to pick me up with a bottle of champagne (Bless him). 

And so ends my 12 week adventure at Ballymaloe cookery school. I have had a fantastic time, met some amazing people, cooked some great food, (also some edible food and some slightly dodgy food) and most importantly, I managed to get through the three months without actually bursting the seam of my chef pants (although they are groaning). 

The diet starts tomorrow. 

Goodbye Ballymaloe

Goodbye Ballycotton

p.s. Thank you all for reading. 

p.p.s. Stay tuned for more Plumpcious Abroad adventures ... 

19 July 2012

This morning was my practical exam. I went an hour over time, although, to be honest, I was expecting to. Writing out my 'order of work' last night, I realised I had probably been a little ambitious with my menu. Actually, it really is a wonder I managed to limit myself to a mere three courses (if you're going to stuff yourself, you may as well REALLY stuff yourself, n'est pas?)  

We drew lots for bread yesterday and I got white yeast focaccia - one of the hardest breads to make but also one of my favourite breads to eat. So the trade-off for all the time spent kneading, resting, knocking back and shaping the dough is that I am now at home with a delicious focaccia, some farmhouse cheese and a glass of 'study wine' - a little concoction of mine made by diluting dessert wine with water ... don't judge me. 

The first thing I made was a three-tiered almond meringue with strawberries and cream.  It is essentially Eton mess in cake form (Yes! - Ed), with almonds. I grossly underestimated the time it takes to blanch, peel, chop and toast a handful of almonds ... 20 minutes, not 6-7 as I had expected. Popping almonds out of their skin is a highly entertaining task - some of them explode out of their brown jackets like rockets, and I must admit, I am not certain of the whereabouts of half a dozen of them (I suspect I shall find one in my hair later). The cake went pretty well, although slicing it was a bit messy. Luckily my old friend, icing sugar, was there to hide the imperfections. 

The salmon, hollandaise and samphire were all very well behaved - they all cooked without incident, in fact, I don't actually remember boiling the samphire (I think I was in a daze for about 15 minutes towards the end ... perhaps there is an almond lodged in my brain?). 

The real test of today was my stuffed courgette flowers. For this 'simple' starter I had to make basil pesto, goats cheese stuffing, batter (which had to rest for at least an hour), tomato sauce AND individually pick all the thorns and stamens from the flowers (Ouch). I spent over an hour on just this dish! To make matter worse, just as the end was near we discovered that the deep fryer didn't work. I thought I was going to vomit. A helpful teacher eventually located another one but 15 minutes had passed and my salmon was getting cold (just breathe). There was nothing to do but press on, so I fried the flowers, plated them on a bed of the tomato sauce, watched in horror as they all fell over, made a second plate, watched with resigned dismay as they fell over again, and called time. I left the room while the examiners tasted my food so I have no idea how I went, but I am hoping they are fond of lukewarm salmon and crumbly meringue cakes. (This examiner got to eat the leftovers and has awarded an F, for frickin delicious - Ed). 

This photo was taken as I ran out of the kitchen so the examiners could come in!

Tomorrow (from 8.30am!) I have three written exams so I am now off to study*. 

*Who am I kidding? I am going to have a snack, a brief nap and some more study wine ... and then I may open a book or two. Is there anyone who can attack 'food costing' revision sober? My new mantra - If I can't eat it, I don't care. 

17 July 2012

This morning, in our final demonstration (sniff sniff) we learned to cook: Broth with broad bean leaves and mint, Hot oysters with champagne sauce, Hot oysters with beurre blanc and julienne of cucumber, Poached whole salmon, Carpaccio with slivers of parmesan rocket and truffle oil, Carpaccio with rocket and parmesan, Fillet of beef with currants and Armagnac, Quail Veronique*, Salad of quail with grapes, Oeufs a la neige, Peach sorbet with raspberry cream.

* Seeing someone joint and carve a quail is something special - it's like the machine from "Honey, I shrunk the kids" zapped a roast chicken to the size of a peach, making the chopping board and carving utensils look hilariously oversized. Best served alongside a mini-bar bottle of booze for full pretend-giant effect. 

Wild salmon chilling out in a herb bed while shrimp sunbathe on its back.

Tomorrow, I shall be studying like mad for the written exams on Friday. There are six hours of exam papers on all manner of topics including: identifying cuts of meat and fish, spices, herbs, food hygiene, compost, cheeses, freezing, preserving, chocolate ... and the list goes on! The past few nights I've been having some exceedingly delicious nightmares. Last night a giant menacing soda bread demanded I list the ingredients of a basic bread dough - I couldn't answer, but I ate him. 

On Thursday at 8am I have my practical exam where I have to cook a three-course meal and a 'surprise' bread (hopefully not a half-eaten giant menacing soda bread) in three hours and then present it to three judges. I know, it sounds a bit like the finale of a TV cooking contest - I expect there will be a Masterchef-type voiceover playing in my head the entire time ('You have FIVE minutes!').

The theme of my meal is a summer Sunday lunch and I have chosen to cook:

Entree

Fried courgette flowers stuffed with Irish goat's cheese and basil pesto, served with tomato sauce

Main course

Poached wild Irish salmon with hollandaise, served with a side of marsh samphire

Dessert

Three-tiered almond meringue with fresh strawberries and cream

I have made all of my dishes before (although admittedly only once, and some of them weeks ago), and if all goes to plan my final menu will look a little something like this:

I will not have access to the internet again until the exams are over, so the next time I write I shall be a cooking school graduate (fingers crossed). Wish me luck! Or better still, wish me lunch! 

16 July 2012

It's our last week of school. I cannot believe that 11 whole weeks have passed since that first day I arrived in rainy East Cork in my wellington boots, excited at what culinary challenges lay ahead. 

Today was also our last official morning cooking before final exams. I wish I could say I went out with a bang, but the menu was not that exciting. Pork en croute is essentially posh pig in a blanket - tenderloin stuffed with mushroom duxelle and tucked up tight in a puff pastry blanket. Mushroom duxelle is a stuffing made from onions, mushrooms, ham and herbs. By the time I got around to making mine there was no ham left so I had to fry up some bacon instead.  I have a confession, I love bacon. I love bacon so much that last year my ever-thoughtful little brother bought me bacon handsoap and bacon breath-mints for Christmas. But the bacon I met this morning changed everything. I am all for natural organic products, but what I don't see a need for is sliced bacon with the rind and pig bristles still attached. Bacon can be streaky, cured or smoked, but it should never NEVER resemble the upper lip of a hirsute Mediterranean nana. Bacon will never be the same again.

You can fry it, roast it, boil it ... but only after you shave it. Blurgh. 

Back to the pork - I fancied it up with some pastry plaits, chilled it, baked it and served it with some puy lentils. The Editor said it was nice. I didn't tell him about the bacon. 

Next up was Irish smoked salmon with potato wafers and horseradish cream. This was essentially homemade crisps layered with fish and cream. I am not sure why.

Today in demonstration we learned to cook: Skate with black butter, Warm ray wing with coriander, Poached ray wing with cucumber or thyme hollandaise, How to bone a bird, Chicken L'Arlene, Verdura Mista, Sticky chicken thighs with soy and ginger sauce, Honey-baked chicken thighs, Spatchcock chicken with roasted fennel saffron and yoghurt, How to skin gut and joint rabbit and hare, West Cork rabbit casserole, Rabbit with mustard and sage leaves, How to butterfly a leg of lamb, Autumn raspberry jellies with fresh mint cream, Fresh orange jelly with mint, Bread and butter pudding, Raspberry fool with shortbread biscuits, and Blackcurrant fool.

After demonstration, we had a guest lecture on sugar craft from a professional pastry chef. This is the peony flower he made before our amazed eyes .... and yes, it is made entirely of sugar! Suddenly my fancy pastry plait wasn't so impressive ...

P.S. Chester update - he is mouldy and proud. And its only six more weeks till I get to chomp into him!! 

13 July 2012

Friday 13th July - a day of vol au vents and vomit. Curious? Read on ...

Today we travelled back to 1985 and made vol au vents. Some were filled with lobster in a creamy sauce, mine were filled with pastry creme and apple compote. In the demonstration yesterday the chef turned out dozens of perfect puffy cases with ease. I am not that chef. All my vol au vents were ill-formed and lop-sided ... they looked like a posse of drunk friends wobbling home after a big session at the pub (I think I heard one of them burp). Happily, there is such a thing as icing sugar. I am convinced that icing sugar was invented conceal baking mishaps. Take a deformed vol au vent, fill with cream and fruit, put on the wonky little lid, stare at it in horror, sprinkle generously with icing sugar and Poof! Magically your dodgy dessert is a baking triumph (and it didn't taste half bad either).

Baking tragedy....

... Baking triumph!

With my left over puff pastry I made a Pissaladiere (A french 'pizza' covered with anchovies and olives) which I think will go very nicely with a glass of wine later.   I also made some chocolate truffles with praline. A warm kitchen is not an ideal environment for rolling handmade chocolates - I think there was more melted chocolate on my hands and my apron than on my plate. Finally I cooked some more green beans (I had to redeem myself after yesterday's effort) and some scallops, which were seared in a hot pan and served simply on a bed of beurre blanc. Delicious - and destined for The Editor to make up for that flabby pork belly I made him eat yesterday. 

Today we learned to cook: Mexican cerviche, Roulade of smoked salmon with cream cheese and dill, Rosette of smoked salmon with sweet cucumber salad, Smoked Irish salmon with potato wafers and horseradish cream, Timbales of smoked salmon with cucumber and fennel, Pork en croute with duxelle stuffing and Bramley apple sauce, Lentils du Puy, Salad of green beans with feta and pine nuts, Coffee ice cream with Irish coffee sauce, Cappuccino ice cream, Chocolate ice cream in chocolate cases with rum flavoured cream, Chocolate coffee and vanilla parfait with hot chocolate sauce, Brown bread ice cream, Iced chocolate oranges, Summer bombe with fresh strawberry coulis, and Ice cream bombe with butterscotch sauce.

After school, nine of my classmates and I went fishing. I have never been fishing before and I had no idea what to expect. We got into the boat and headed out of the harbour to our first stop which was about 100 metres from the shore. The water was still, the friendly fisherman showed us how to cast our lines and within a few minutes we were all fishing like pros. The first few times I bought up my line there was nothing but the feathered lure. The third and fourth time there were FOUR fish! I didn't know you could catch more that one fish at a time! This was fabulous! Then we went further out to sea ... I caught more fish but I was starting to get a bit queazy - the waves were getting bigger and the boat was starting to feel like an amusement park ride. Then further out again ... 'Ok, I am really not feeling great guys, why have we stopped in the middle of a swell?' The fourth stop ... Blurgh. I discretely threw up over the side of the boat. And then I felt great! The fifth stop we filleted all the fish (there must have been at least a hundred mackerel and a dozen pollock). Finally, after 3.5 hours at sea, we returned to  the pier and I carried my catch up the road to our cottage and straight into the oven. Fresh mackerel with coriander pesto and boiled potatoes - yummy.

The first fish! 

The fisherman poses with my four-on-a-line catch

Filleting class

The seagulls wait for the fish heads to be tossed back out to sea.

A bucket of fresh fillets. 

12 July 2012

Today I came face to face with something with a higher fat content than moi ... pork belly. It was lounging lazily on my chopping board, all flabby and wobbly and looking like it was about to collapse under the weight of its own heft. Disgusting. Did I really have to cook this? Sadly, yes. I marinated the four-inch chunk of blubber (there was only 2mm of visible pork) with sage leaves, cinnamon, cloves, allspice, onion, garlic and cider. Upon reflection, I should have just thrown the belly in the bin, drunk the cider and called it a day. After 3.5 hours in the oven, the belly emerged, still quivering - I tried my best to make it look edible, but it was a tough gig. I delivered my plate to the dining room - and the hungry waiting Editor - with the disclaimer: "I'll know you love me if you eat this" (Based on what was eaten and what was left, she's now approximately 73% sure that I love her - Ed).

I also made a salad of green beans, tomatoes, mozzarella and onion with anchovy and caper dressing. Green beans are interesting vegetables, they sit boiling away in the pot not really doing much and then all of a sudden they go from rock hard to totally limp. How dare they! So my beans were limp and my pork was flabby. Not my finest day in the kitchen (although in fairness, it was not my fault the pork was so gross ... the farmer should have fed it less and walked it more).

There were two things I did today which were not disastrous ... fettuccine and puff pastry. I didn't actually have to make either of them but I felt like practicing the skills (or as the Irish would say, I did if 'for the craic'). My fettuccine was fabulous, well at least, they looked fabulous - I haven't cooked them yet (they will be tomorrow night's dinner). My puff pastry went well but the true test will be whether it will make a great vol au vent tomorrow...

Did I mention I want a pasta machine? ... hint hint ... 

In this afternoon's demonstration we learned to cook: Seafood chowder (yum), Pan-grilled scallops with beurre blanc (yum), Risotto alla parmigiana (yum), The humane way to cook lobster or crayfish, Hot buttered lobster (yum), Lobster with cream and fresh herbs (yum), Lobster vol au vent (yum), Oyster mushroom with marjoram, Deep fried scallions, Cheese vol au vent, Apple and sweet geranium vol au vents, Tarte tatin, Sour cream shortcrust pastry, Sacristains (puff pastry trimmings sprinkled with sugar and flaked almonds), Sugar biscuits, Chocolate truffles, and Chocolate and raspberry truffles.

Tomorrow the Editor is coming for lunch again (who could resist a menu with three types of Lobster on it?!) (Not I - Ed). After school I'm going mackerel fishing so that I can catch something to serve alongside my fettuccine. Anchors away! (Hope I dont get seasick).

Ballycotton sunset yesterday evening

11 July 2012

Last night's dinner. Seriously. 

Today, a guest chef taught us to make sushi and some bonus random Turkish dishes: Sushi rice, Sundried tomato and mozzarella sushi*, Seared beef fillet and red onion sushi, Quick and easy sushi maki, Nigiri sushi, Gunkan Maki (aka Battleship sushi), Cling-film sushi (surely someone could have thought of a more creative name for this?), Californian roll, Temaki, Oshi sushi, Seared duck breast in rice paper parcels, Thin Japanese omelette, How to marinate mackerel, Lamacum Turkish pizza, Dolma (Dolmades in Greece), Miso soup, Turkish Bulgur. 

* I know, I too was surprised by this. This dish is literally sushi rice mixed with tomatoes and cubes of mozzarella cheese to form a peculiar, culturally confused salad. We were assured that this was authentic. the question is, authentically what?

This afternoon we had a special demonstration where we learned to cook things by special request of the students: Moules mariniere, Mediterranean fish soup with rouille, Rillettes of fresh and smoked salmon, Fish in paper parcels with Hollandaise sauce, Buttermilk fried chicken, Dingle pie, Cornish pasties, Roast haunch of venison with francatelli sauce, Homemade sausages, Potato gnocchi, Chocolate mousse with almond macaroons, Chocolat St. Emillon (boozy biscuits layered with boozy chocolate mousse ... genius), Baked cheesecake, Ottolenghi macaroons, White dough, Bagels, Iced Christmas cake, Mummy's plum pudding, Mince pies with Irish whiskey cream, and Mincemeat.

We also learned how to make our own flavoured liquors: Limoncello, Raspberry Vodka/Gin, Cherry Brandy, Orange Brandy and Rhubarb Gin. Being the ever-enthusiastic student, I shall commence work on these immediately. You will have to wait three months for an update ... and then I shall have to be sober enough to remember to write one. 

At the end of our recipes was some information on keeping hens. Depending on the breed, a hen will lay up to 300 eggs per year. So if I am to continue cooking and baking at my current rate I need to figure out a way to keep seven chickens in my backyard**. Our previous house barely had enough room for our garden gnome, George. So please feel free to send in your creative housing solutions for seven chooks (and one grumpy gnome).

** (Souffle + quiche + homemade pasta + eggs benedict + creme brulee + meringue + various cakes x weekly basis = seven chickens)