28 May 2012

There are 2 types of people in this world, those who love oysters, and those who who screw up their faces in disgust at the mention of oysters. I fall into the second group. I have tried many times to like them, but my attempts usually end with me not-so-discreetly spitting a half-chewed salty slug into a napkin. Even the memories are disgusting.

So, lucky for me, one of the things on my menu today was a plate of Irish shellfish, which included the dreaded oyster. You don't need to cook them, but opening them is likely to be the most dangerous thing you could do in the kitchen (second only to getting between me and a creme caramel...grrr).  

Step 1 is to take your tea towel and wrap tightly around your fingers to form a 'Yasser Arafat hand-puppet'. This is an important step as the force required to push the oyster knife (small but deadly) into the begrudging bivalve is considerable. 

Once you have penetrated the shell, you then need to carefully pry it away from the meat ... and the oyster does not go down without a fight. The battle was on - in the blue corner, Plumpcious (armed with oyster knife), in the red corner - the Monstrous Mollusc. The fight lasted a gruelling seven minutes but in the end, Plumpcious was victorious! (And managed to keep all of her fingers! Hooray!) 

The oyster then joined some clams and mussels (which are very co-operative creatures who throw themselves open when heat is applied) on a plate with some homemade mayonnaise, a wedge of lemon and a few fennel leaves.  The oysters went out to the dining room for someone else to enjoy. 

Seafood done, I could turn my attention to what I was really excited to cook today ... the Parsnip cake. The name does not do this cake justice. Two delightfully moist, nutty, spiced cakes sandwiched together with marscapone and maple syrup ... it is yummy beyond belief, which is why I have creatively renamed it 'Yummy cake' and also why half of it came home in my handbag. (It's bloody spectacular - Ed.)

Today's afternoon demonstration was all about breakfast: Buck's Fizz (A sissy's drink - champagne and orange juice. If you really want a wake up call, try champagne and vodka), Orange mint and grapefruit cocktail, Breakfast fruit salad, Freshly squeezed juices, Smoothies, Spotted dog (fruity bread), Stripy cat (chocolately bread), Breakfast scones, Nut and grain muesli, Strawberry muesli, Granola, Oatmeal porridge. Breakfast kippers, Irish breakfast (remarkably, something called 'Irish' that doesn't contain whiskey - it does however contain black and white pudding which are sausages made of coagulated blood and offal), Fadge (potato bread) (Wha'? - Ed), Fried eggs with sage, Poached eggs on toast, Boiled eggs with soldiers, Scrambled eggs, Eggs Benedict (especially for Cormy K), Waffles with maple syrup, American buttermilk pancakes with crispy bacon and maple syrup, Blackcurrant jam, Rhubarb and ginger jam,  Kumquat marmalade, Ginger muffins, Raw apple muffins, Blueberry muffins. 

I have been munching Yummy cake whilst writing this entry, so I had better go and clean the crumbs off The Editor's laptop ...